what is happening here, anyway?

inspired by Gretchen Rubin's the Happiness Project and the destruction of my life as I knew it... this FULLfillment project took place in 2012 as my attempt to discover ways to get full off of life, instead of food.

each "month" had a theme.  

i got distracted from that theme often.  

the hypothesis was that by the end of 2012, i'll either have a hot enough ass to wear sweatpants in public and look good doing it and/or love myself enough to feel good doing it no matter how my ass looks.  both happened.

the agenda for the year:

  1. January 23-February 20: prime the canvas (nourishing the physical body that my soul lives in)
  2. February 21-March 21: creative force(making art or art-like things)
  3. March 22-April 20: just the two of us(being the parent I want to be)
  4. April 21-May 19: ish (living without knowing answers, maybe even without questions)
  5. May 20-June 18: get smart (from books and other sources)
  6. June 19-July 18: letting the inner child out (to play!)
  7. July 19-August 16: plenty (money, honey)
  8. August 17-September 15: where the heart is (loving where I lie my head and other spaces I occupy)
  9. September 16-October 14: no maps allowed(experimenting with adventure)
  10. October 15-November 12: chosen family (nurturing my relationships with both blood and chosen relations)
  11. November 13-December 12: get sexy(getting, well... sexy)
  12. December 13-January 10 (2013): work smart (love what I do and do it with love)

the rules (there are only 3)

  • take care of self
  • take care of others
  • take care of environment

important stuff

  • i followed the lunar calendar
  • the order of things i worked on is based on nothing in particular and everything i could think of
  • i blogged (at least) three times a week (on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays)
  • i used what I call a "conscious choice log" to track my experiences
  • i collected data about the effectiveness of the project and reported on it

things i knew going in

apples cure hunger.
take a snack-- you're going to want it.
you can't get full if you're not fulfilled.
some foods will not only not feel as good as you think, but they'll feel AWFUL tomorrow.
my child doesn't need to be happy all the time.
validate. validate. validate.
my job is create a safe environment for him to become whoever he is going to be.
we all do the best we can with what we have in the moment.
people want to help--let them.
everyone has a gift.
everyone wants (and needs) to belong.
everything we don't like about someone else is something we haven't forgiven ourself for yet.
everything we do like about someone else is something we also are.
how to get what you want (1. relax, 2. see it, 3. want it, 4. let go).
if we're going to make up stories in our head, let's make up good ones.
unknowns are innevitable--sit in them and be still.
there are no failures--only learning opportunities.
fear isn't a reason not to do something. feel the fear and do it anyway.
courage is telling the story of who you are with your whole heart.
the biggest mistake we can make is believing that we are alone in our experiences/feelings.
pain is inevitable-suffering is optional.

my best self is
(in alphabetical order. not me, the list)
airy-fairy--in touch with my spiritual self and ideas that are bigger than myself.
amused--by nearly anything.
appreciative--of simple things.
articulate--the words come easily.
aware--of my feelings, my body, sensations, energies, surroundings, and others.
conscious--of my needs and values and my actions directly relate to those values.
decisive--i know what i want and what i don't.
inspired--ideas flow endlessly.
interested--in the world, the way things look, feel, smell, taste, and sound.
light--a little floaty feeling. yeah, really.
organized--my thoughts, spaces, and plans come together beautifully in my head and/or on paper.

the cast of characters

names are changed to protect the innocent (and guilty). some of the people and places you might read about are given some context here.

kate (formerly: bossypants): me
spiderman: my son
angry wombat: my sister from another mister
bfo: my (soon to be) former husband. BFO stands for blunt force object which he chose himself and frankly I don't get.
mom: my mom
38: my first love the second time around
gt: my favorite intuitive 
LLC/BC: my "lesbian life coach" aka "butch buddy"
trixie & chance: a girl and her dog
juevona picante: i think it means tacky bitch in a certain south american country's spanish, but really it's a term of endearment between me and her
devon: the newest addition to this story, and a dreamy one at that.

home: where i live
work: where i work