Day (oh hell, I don't know what day it is...)

Yesterday spiderman and I visited our naturopath. Dr. Eileen Kenny, DC of the Healing Arts Center of Alta Dena. Dr. Kenny is a chiropractor by license, but chiropractors do more than crack backs (she doesn't do that at all) they provide whole body wellness care including nutrition and supplement coaching. Dr Kenny in particular practices a diagnostic method called Applied Kinesiology or Muscle Testing to determine which foods and nutrients nourish your body and which harm you. The first time I saw her, over two years ago now she told me that I had an intolerance to dairy and corn and by eliminating both of those from my life I have been able to take charge of my physical AND emotional health in a more significant way than any other time previously.

I was excited to see Dr. Kenny to talk to her about the fast and find out how we are doing. In general a visit to her office is a very therapeutic experience. She always gives you a score based on your general wellbeing and on a scale of 1-1000, 1000 being highest I was at 996 and spiderman was at 998. Woot!

Dr Kenny completely endorsed the fast until she asked me how long I planned to do it. I hesitated to answer and she offered that she didn't want me to do it for longer than 6 days. I told her I wanted to do it for long term weight loss and she strongly advised against it. She shared something she has told me before, that my body in particular is hypoglycemic and I need to not only eat six meals a day, but that I need to eat meat. She shared that she would love to be a vegetarian for philosophical reasons but what really works for her body is to eat fatty meats, she eats steak twice a week.

She recommended an eating plan that she believes would help me achieve optimum health, healing, detox, and weight loss. Here it is (click to enlarge):



















Blargh. To me, eating with restrictions is more difficult than not eating at all. Remember day one way back when? When I decided to go straight into juicing because eating wasn't satisfying anyway? Yeah... Still in that frame of mind. The thing is, I trust Dr Kenny. She is my health person. I didn't go to a doctor for tests or permission before embarking on this journey because I don't have a traditional medical doctor that I trust and who knows and understands me and my health philosophy... I have Dr Kenny.

I left her office feeling frustrated and confused. So I ate Del Taco. Yep, I have a problem.

Here's what I know: my big goal is still the same... I am staying on this path to find my own healthiest self so I can help others do the same. I believe that care should be individualized in every case. There is not one diet plan or eating plan that will work for everyone. Not everyone can juice fast for 60 days and come out at optimum health. Dr Kenny is my trusted health advisor and she's never steered me wrong before. She is the single most helpful practitioner I've ever worked with and I've seen a lot of doctors and Therapists in my life. No matter how many times in the last few days I've messed up by eating foods that harm me...I have still been filling my body with more nutrient rich food in the last 3 weeks than in the last several months. I am taking steps towards that healthier version of me.

Here's what I don't know: what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. What is better juice fasting to lose weight as a less medical/chemical version of an opti fast type diet or surgical solution breaking the addiction cycle in an extreme way and then build long term habits as a next step... or losing weight slowly and steadily while building long term habits. Oh damn, written out like that it seems like I have an answer already. Stupid blog.

You know what's hardest about this... Following Dr Kenny's suggested plan basically means that my mom was right about her protein pushing... And I prefer to be right. I suppose I could get over that if necessary. Love you mom.

Day 2

I weigh the same this morning, 302.4... not ideal, but also not the end of the world.  I am convinced that menstruating while juicing is going to have some different results.  My naturopath, who I am seeing today (hooray!), told me that menstruation is a major hormonal event in the body.  There are countless changes occuring and things are simply not the same as on other days.  Here's to it passing quickly! 

Day One! (again)

Good Morning!

Day one is here and I'm going full steam ahead.  My body aches and my throat is sore which is pretty typical of a post junk food binge.  Someone remind me of that next time I claim juicing is too hard?

Starting weight... 302.4.  From the feelings in my gut, I have a feeling there's going to be a lot more shitting going on this time.

Happy Monday All!

Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do

Quite often in fact. I've been learning more about this a lot in the last year or so. Today I felt like I needed to make up my mind about what to do but I knew if I did at any given time I wouldn't be making the right choice... I had to go where the day took me and finally the day took me to a moment of clarity I can feel confident about.

I was lying down with spiderman as he fell asleep when I started to think about dreams. Not the dreams you have when you sleep, the aspiration kind. I thought about how many times in the last several years I considered becoming a health practitioner... A nurse... A midwife... A naturopathic physician. Any time I was on one of those paths it felt exactly right and still I managed to veer off back to wandering in circles or simply standing still. Why? Why do I want to be a teacher who inspires people to be their healthiest selves but haven't done it yet? I love learning and sharing. I nursed my son and did all sorts of other "natural" mom things and loved sharing what I knew with others and supporting them on their journeys. I loved sharing what I've learned so far about juicing with all of you. So why haven't I been able to make this into my life? Why haven't I been able to take the leap and create the life I want for myself?

The answer came. It's because of my personal health. It's because of my relationship with food. "Heal the whole" is the principle of naturopathic medicine (the "hole" being the space between your mouth and anus, aka the gut) and I cannot credibly teach others to heal themselves until I have done it myself. I could teach women how to nurse or cloth diaper their babies because I had done it. I could even teach you all how to make juice and start a fast because I was doing that. I MUST heal myself before I can teach anyone else how to heal themselves.

The answer is clear. What's next? Back to juice. Day one. No other options. I will make this happen and I will be the person I want to be. I am already.

The aftermath

We are home now and the scale reads 300 again. I forgot to mention in the last post that I also started my period about an hour before the chili dog and I became one. I was really hoping that wouldn't happen... That I'd be going into starvation mode and my reproductive system would shut down. No luck there.

Anyway, I'm home, I'm mad, I'm hungry and I'm confused. I want to start again, and I will but I'm not sure how. Looking for my lesson and opportunity for growth and still wallowing... The two rather happen at the same time.

The Story of Zaca Lake

Imagine that we are all bundled up around a campfire and I'm an old man... It will put the tone (or at least the beginning) of this story in context. You ready? Ok.

Be still my children and listen closely and I'll tell you the story of Zaca Lake. Zaca Lake is a beautiful, secluded retreat in the foothills of the Santa Ynez Valley above Solvang, CA. My family and I came here this weekend for a getaway, but wait... even that wasn't so simple.

Several weeks ago when I learned that BFO had several hundred stashed away in his paypal account from selling stuff on eBay I suggested that we go away for a weekend. He discovered and reserved a cabin at Zaca Lake earlier this week. I wasn't as enthusiastic as he wanted me to be at first and he had doubts about whether we should go.

On Friday morning, the scheduled date of our departure, we were still undecided. There were several things I was unable to do if we went on the trip including take a rescue pup to get spayed, and wedding related festivities for a beloved friend. I wanted to do both of those things very much, but was so worn down from my first week of fasting that I thought a mountain getaway would be a much better respite. What could be better for my fast than a therapeutic stay by a lake?

I took the afternoon off of work and headed home to make tons of juice for the weekend ahead. I really didn't want to take Jack Lalanne because he's a pain to wash in a regular kitchen sink never mind the absence of a kitchen in the cabin at the lake. I cleared all the produce out of the freezer and set to juicing...






I broke two fingernails in the process and while I was washing the sink a small glass fell into it, broke, and a chunk flew up and hit me in the left eye. That probably would have been a good time to stop.






I made several varieties and packed up the leftovers from the day before that I'd had a hard time stomaching and once BFO got home we packed the car and hit the road.






We picked spiderman up from his last day of preschool for this year and attempted to leave LA on a Friday around 4pm.










Despite the typical traffic from Culver City to the 101 the drive was pleasant and easy.

We stopped for the boys rations and other supplies at a Target in Camarillo. That was when things started to become difficult for me. This entire experience so far has been about learning how to cope in different environments. After tackling juicing all day at work the first day being at home was a totally different story. The second day I managed to do both. Then, I worked on my other office, and added more advanced techniques at home like sitting with the boys for their dinner.

This weekend I was tackling so many new things... Juicing on vacation. Juicing on a long drive. Juicing while grocery shopping for "camp food" (aka bacon). Juicing while BFO eats flaming hot cheetos and drinks orange crush in the passenger seat of the car I'm driving...

The Target trip wrapped up with a tantrum from spiderman and we got back on the road. We arrived in Los Olivos (where Zaca Lake's address is) around 9:30 pm. This is right about the same time we are out of cell reception.














We didn't realize we were lost until the GPS told us we had arrived and we were looking at an empty field. We proceeded along the road looking for the number 8000 but always seemed to miss it despite the fact that seemed impossible.










We drove back and forth and back and forth on the dark windy mountain road for another hour before we found 8000 by accident.

The gate. Was locked. We searched for the keypad so we could enter the code but there was none. The padlocks were secured and we were screwed, it seemed. We drove to where we had some cell reception called the lake and got voicemail (lakes have voicemail?! Why yes... Didn't you know?)

We gave up on Zaca and started to work on plan b which could have been pea soup andersen's inn in Buellton if BFO wasn't a bit snobby. We were on the road to Solvang when BFO got a call from the lake. Guess what? The key code is for the padlock. Sigh. I decide the people who operate Zaca Lake are poor communicators to avoid directing my anger at my husband. Who ever heard of calling a combination a key code?

Around this time I verbally acknowledge that I'm finding it very difficult to not eat. See? Juicing while being locked out of resort at 11pm on a Friday... Something new to adapt to. BFO asks me if I'm hungry and I'm quick to respond no, I'm upset. The right thing to do seems obvious then and I continue to choke down my warm juice.

We get back to the gate at Zaca and open the padlock with the combination. We drive five more miles on a dark windy road, cross two creeks and finally arrive at our cabin at midnight. We make the bed, move a sleeping spiderman from the car to his bed and settle down ourselves. BFO is out like a light but not me. My stomach is still wildly churning.

I decide to take a shower and that sensation calms my nerves and my gut. I'm surprised by that and make a mental note to remember that other strong sensation changes can reverse the false hunger sensations. I crawl into bed with a book by louise hay. Do you know her? She and her rainbow heart logo are so familiar to me because my parents were followers in the early 90s when my dad was dying of aids. So I'm reading about how I can heal my life and am not surprised by anything she says. Like her, I also believe that thought is creative and we control our own experiences in good and bad ways with our minds. What I am surprised by is how emphatic and overly simple with some concepts. The therapist who leant me the book warned me, but I was still surprised. Using words like always or everyone quite frequently is a bit bold, lady. Yowza. I'm not sure what ms hay's writing is like now, but in 1984 she could have benefitted from a sit down with Marshall rosenberg.

Anyhoo. I'm particularly struck by some things she writes about weight and dieting. She doesn't support any type of diet plan. She believes that when we begin to love ourselves we will automatically become a healthy weight. I start to wonder if I'm torturing myself by juicing when what I should do is love myself. Or is juice love? I'm confused.

I drift to sleep and the next day is beautiful. We swim at the lake, row boats, and lounge around. I discover that many of the juices I brought along are delicious and enjoy them very much. Despite the nagging of a scratched eyeball it seems I have adapted to juicing while glamping!
































Then (the ominous music rises and clouds quickly fill the sky--ok not really) I discover that we need ice before all of our food and juice spoils. We get in the car and head to town BFO asks to drive and I put my sea bands on to stave of my typical motion sickness. Of course, according to louise i wouldnt have motion sickness if i didnt believe i would... Ha! We make it a mile down the road before I am ready to hurl. We trade seats and I wish for speedy recovery.

Thing is, I usually combat motion sickness with a full stomach of starch and fat and that is not exactly juicing compliant. I try to walk it off, juice it off, water it off but nothing works. The gurgling mass in my gut grows. I start begging for bits of BFO's chips and sandwich. He denies me every time. Sternly at first and then with pep talks about marathon runners hitting the wall and pushing through. He's sweet but I'm not sure I could run a marathon either... The self doubt is taking over.











Back at the Zaca gate I lick two potato chips while BFO isn't looking. Yum. I start to feel better. At the cabin I take a nap and again... Feel better. I drink some mineral water and am already 99% back to homeostasis except I have convinced myself that I want... No need... food.

I go for a granola bar, take a bite, am not impressed so I spit it out. An hour later I stick my finger in the peanut butter jar. I stick it in my mouth and just intend to let it sit there. I am surprised by how easily it melts and slides down my throat. I go back to the jar two more times while BFO grills hot dogs over a wood fire

When the dogs are ready I feel desperate for one. I ask BFO for a bite of his to find out if it's worth eating. Oh yes it is. I slather one in chili and cheese and scarf it down. Next I'm at the cooler making a turkey sandwich. BFO asks me what this means.

I tell him I'm making bad choices now but that doesn't mean I have to make them again in the future. I'll start over again. I'm starving.

Well, I am not but my stomach is upset again from the peanut butter so why not keep going. This pain is comfortable. I recognize it. I know how to cope with it. It's easy.

I finish the meal with a bacon wrapped dog covered in more chili and cheese and a swig of 7-up. The pain feels good. We all get ready for bed and lay down together in the dark. Spiderman is asleep in a short while and I find myself wide awake unsure of the feelings in my gut. I head to the toilet expecting to shit my guts out but it doesn't happen. I get up and stick my finger down my throat suddenly filled with regret and fear about not wanting to have another day one again or shit my guts out tomorrow... I gag but it's too late. The dogs and sandwich are gone. Already on their way down into the intestines being digested, reacquainting with my body, wreaking havoc on my plans.

The fast has been broken. Hastily. Extremely. So, what does this mean? What's next?

Recipes and other Resources

I don't have too many nice things to say about any of these recipes primarily because of the aforementioned nasty mouth, so I'll just post them with limited commentary.









ABCs
2 Asian Pears
2 Apples (any)
2 Beets
2 Carrots
1 cup Cabbage
6 handfuls (3 cups) Chard





V28 (aka TruBlood)
3 large red Beets
2 medium Carrots
2 stalks Celery
4 Plum Tomatoes
4 cups Parsley, stems and leaves roughly chopped
1 Jalapeño, ribs and seeds removed
12 Red Radishes

Both the ABCs and V28 come from the juice recipes page at http://jointhereboot.com/reboot-program/recipes/juice-recipes/

Mean Green (the original from the film, FSND)
6 Kale Leaves
1 Cucumber
4 Celery Stalks
2 Green Apples
1/2 Lemon
1 piece of ginger

I found that one here http://myjuicecleanse.com/juicer-recipes/mean-green-juice-recipes/

Carrot Cake
4 large carrots
1/4 pineapple, cut into spears, no skin
1 apple
Coconut Water
Carrot cake spices (cardamom, cinnamon)sprinkle on top at the end

From the juicing recipes group on Facebook (you have to request membership to view) https://www.facebook.com/groups/132584946830099/

I've also adapted the carrot cake juice with 1/2 an orange... Yum-o!

The reboot programs you'll find on the reboot site aren't just juice programs, I found what I needed to know at the reboot expert blog http://jointhereboot.com/want-to-do-a-juice-only-reboot/

There are also several Facebook groups dedicated to juicing. You have to be a member to check them out. If you're interested look up Judy Finneran on facebook, she can add you to the groups and she's amazing. :)

Ok... Brain slowing to a halt... Gnite!

Stages of Detox

For more info about what the wombat and I are going through (or what you might experience) read on! This description of the detox process is taken from juicefasting.org. Time periods are estimated. My detox symptoms are relatively mild, my top two being a nasty mouth and mental fogginess. Wombat is having more of the digestive and mucous related experiences. Poor wombat.


The Different Juice Fasting Stages of Detoxification
A single cell within the human body is more complex than the most modern supercomputer. The process of removing a hundred thousand antigens, each with unique molecular properties, from trillions of functioning cells is indeed a complex process. Imagine three trillion cells being repaired during the function of countless biochemical processes needed for life. Even the best mechanics have to turn off the engine. Yet, the body has millions of micro mechanics that do this with ease.

One of the body’s automatic maintenance processes is the destruction of foreign microorganisms. When looking through a dark-field microscope, countless parasites are clearly visible. I observed parasites living inside blood cells. Several could be seen eating cholesterol, and I was amazed to see one swim. Watching lymphocytes moving in the blood was like a science-fiction movie. These complex, lymphocyte organisms attached themselves and engulfed toxins. As they did, their colorations flowed into fascinating patterns leaving me with a sense of wonder and respect for the miraculous ability and infinite complexity of the human body.

Fasting Detoxification Stages
Here is an overview of the detoxification stages during a juice fast. The time periods are a general estimation.

Stage 1 (Day 1 To Day 2)
On the first day of fasting, the blood sugar level drops below 70 mg/dl. To restore the blood to the normal glucose level, liver glycogen is converted to glucose and released into the blood. This reserve is enough for half a day. The body then reduces the basal metabolic rate (BMR). The rate of internal chemical activity in resting tissue is lowered to conserve energy. The heart slows and blood pressure is reduced. Glycogen is pulled from the muscle causing some weakness. The first wave of cleansing is usually the worst.

Headaches, dizziness, nausea, bad breath, glazed eyes and a heavily coated tongue are signs of the first stage of cleansing. Hunger can be the most intense in this period unless the enema is used which quickly assists the body into the fasting state by ending digestion in the colon.

Stage 2 (Day 3 To Day 7)
Fats, composed of transformed fatty acids, are broken down to release glycerol from the gliceride molecules and are converted to glucose. The skin may become oily as rancid oils are purged from the body. People with problem-free skin may have a few days of pimples or even a boil. A pallid complexion is also a sign of waste in the blood. Ketones are formed by the incomplete oxidation of fats. It is suspected that the ketones in the blood suppress the appetite by affecting the food-satiety center in the hypothalamus. You may feel hungry for the first few days of the fast. This effect is temporary. The desire to eat will disappear. Lack of hunger may last 40 to 60 days, depending on whether you are on water or juice.

The body embraces the fast and the digestive system is able to take a much-needed rest, focusing all of its energies on cleansing and healing. White blood cell and immune system activity increases. You may feel pain in your lungs. The cleansing organs and the lungs are in the process of being repaired. Periodically, the lymphatic system expels mucoid matter through the nose or throat. The volume excreted of this yellow-colored mucus can be shocking. The sinuses go through periods of being clogged, then will totally clear. The breath is still foul and the tongue coated. Within the intestine, the colon is being repaired and impacted feces on the intestinal wall start to loosen.

Stage 3 (Day 8 to Day 15)
On the latter part of an extended fast, you can experience enhanced energy, clear-mindedness and feel better than you have felt since childhood. On the downside, old injuries may become irritated and painful. This is a result of the body’s increased ability to heal during fasting. If you had broken your arm 10 years before, there is scar tissue around the break. At the time of the break, the body’s ability to heal was directly related to lifestyle. If you lived on a junk-food diet, the body’s natural healing ability was compromised.

During fasting, the body’s healing process is at optimum efficiency. As the body scours for dead or damaged tissue, the lymphocytes enter the older, damaged tissue secreting substances to dissolve the damaged cells. These substances irritate the nerves in the surrounding region and cause a reoccurrence of aches from previously injured areas that may have disappeared years earlier. The pain is good as the body is completing the healing process. The muscles may become tight and sore due to toxin irritation. The legs can be the worst affected, as toxins accumulate in the legs. Cankers are common in this stage due to the excessive bacteria in the mouth. Daily gargling with salt and water will prevent or heal cankers.

Stage 4 (Day 16 to Day 30)
The body is completely adapted to the fasting process. There is more energy and clarity of mind. Cleansing periods can be short with many days of feeling good in between. There are days when the tongue is pink and the breath is fresh. The healing work of the organs is being completed. After the detoxification mechanisms have removed the causative agent or render it harmless, the body works at maximum capacity in tissue proliferation to replace damaged tissue. While a short fast will reduce the symptoms, a longer fast can completely heal. Homeostatic balance is at optimum levels. The lymphatic system is clean except for a rare discharge of mucus through the nose or throat. After day 20, the mind is affected. Heightened clarity and emotional balance are felt at this time. Memory and concentration improve.

Stage 5 (Breaking the Fast)
The sticky, toxic, mucoid coating on the intestinal wall is loose, and the first meal frees it from the intestinal wall. Toxins enter the blood through the colon. The gallbladder dumps its waste in a heavy discharge of bile. This can cause an instant bowel movement upon eating followed by intense diarrhea. If the symptoms are too uncomfortable, an enema will help.

This article was written by, Mr. Tom McGregor, author of Eating in Freedom.

TMI: Day 3

I have sudden urges to poop (that I don't act on because I generally tend to avoid going to the bathroom until the last possible moment. I hate going. Such a waste of time!) that disappear and never return... What's that about? I'm seriously considering an enema... I hear that helps the digestive tract get it's shit together (pun intended) to prepare for the fast.

I have a nasty boil at the top of my left ear in my hairline that hurts like hell.

My pee is weird colors... Usually a similar color to what I'm drinking.

Day 3

I'm running low on brain power, and therefore creative titles.

Oh yeah... RB11/JJ3/296/-14 (I'm going to add 7 days to my reboot timeline since I'm tracking my weight loss from the day I started my prep week). Yep, 14lbs in 11 days, 10 of them in the last 4 alone. Wowza!

If it weren't for the motivating weight loss I might be over it. I'm pretty tired, especially in the brain, and all my juices tasted blah today... It's almost as if they are all tasting the same. I think the sameness comes from the nasty taste in my mouth. Blech.

I keep doing physical things that I am a bit too weak for at this stage of the game because I need to feel like I'm accomplishing something and my brain is not at it's normal operating level.

Newsflash!

I just woke up and I am... Dum dum da dum!

NOT HUNGRY!

Woot!




Awwwwwww

Identify the crime scene: The Game!

Murder?
Sacrifice?



Well, some kind of sacrifice... But not the one you're thinking of!

The correct answer is: beet juice!

Thank you beets for giving your life to today's game.

Responding to your feedback

I have been told more than once in life that I don't respond to feedback well (oh yeah? F-you!), but I'm working on it.

I've heard from my growing readership that you'd like more recipes. I wanted to post them today but as you've already read... I'm a hot mess today. Stay tuned tomorrow for recipes, how tos, and other practical information.

Juicing can be a family affair...

Or... It can not



Argh!

The first plan was for BFO to do this with me, but he decided early on that it wasn't for him. Fine, fine to each his own... not too many conflicts until today.

My nerves are shot! I have the patience of something that doesn't have much patience. I asked to be excused from bedtime duty tonight (spiderman still uses significant parental support to fall asleep at night, yes I realize I could change that if I wanted to) and was quickly denied because BFO "has to study!"

Just moments before he told me that someone at work warned him to stay in my good graces because I was going to be a loose cannon... apparently he forgot already.

Anyway, as I fumed and prepared my speech (cause that's how I roll... Gotta keep it eloquent with a bite): darling, I'm confused about why it's my responsibility to support and make accommodations for your endeavors and it's not your responsibility to do the same for me... BAM! I stomped around getting things ready for bed and when I finally made it down the hall I found BFO in bed with spiderman with his laptop in tow prepared to study and take on bedtime duty.

Awwwwwwww! What a sweet love! His gesture got him excused from the duty, but now I have to find someone else to be mad at. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Sleep, Stairs, and Vices

RB3/JJ2/298/-12 (for the record, I'm using whole numbers here... No decimal points. When weight loss slows I'll reconsider)

The last couple nights of sleep haven't been great. I've tossed and turned all night and woken to aches and pains. It's be hard to fall asleep at night because although I'm tired, I'm not sleepy.

But last night... Oh last night... How I long for it to be last night again! I drifted into sleep easily, woke up naturally right on time, and only longed to stay in bed because it felt so good not because I wasn't rested.

Once at work this morning, I climbed the stairs to the the third floor as I would any other time, but... Um... Wow... That was difficult. I had to stop between 2 and 3 for a solid minute to catch my breath and regain my sight.

Ch-ch-changes!

Besides weighing a number that starts with 2 instead of 3 and losing 12lbs in 3 days I have something else to brag about. I decided since I was doing this fast for myself I might as well kick all of my other bad habits. So I haven't bitten my nails in weeks!


Aren't they lovely? Now if only I could stop using public shaming of others for my own amusement.

All day today I was trying to use my phone as a calculator. Yes, I have an iPhone, and yes it has a calculator but I was trying to use the phone and text messaging apps for simple calculations. Very frustrating.

Spiderman had his first soccer practice today. Cuteness, no?


I'm not as foggy today, but boy am I hungry. It's a weird hunger, I have no intention of acting on it, so it just sits there... It doesn't grow. I just live with it all day and it's almost like I could do so forever. I hope I don't have to and hear I won't so I look forward to that.

Also... Moody (and not too great at organizing my thoughts). More about that in other posts

TMI: Day 3

Pooped again. Forrest green...

My breath tastes nasty, I don't know how it smells and instead of having a coated tongue it seems I have coated teeth. It's not plaque, but it's fuzzy (and gross)

Oh, and I pulled my hamstring when crossing my legs.

Come on, enlightenment!

Temptation...

While this journey is about a lot of things, one of particular note for these first few days is temptation. Because I'm new at this and need to build strength and resilience in this area I'm mostly avoiding it--I stare straight ahead at the grocery store, I opt out of the group lunch outing, I've asked my coworkers to avoid speaking about food (they haven't), etc etc. When it's not possible to avoid, like packing spiderman's lunch (although I think I'm going to ask BFO to start doing that for me), I grin and bear it.

Today, as I was digging around in my glove compartment for a phone charger I stuck my finger into a melted bar of dark chocolate...




This resulted in a 20 minute internal dialogue about whether or not to lick it off. After many attempts at bargaining by my lower self, my higher self won, the chocolate was not licked (not even the residue that remained after wiping the bulk off with a napkin--although my higher self had a hard time resisting that one. You see, she really longs to be good at compromise).

TMI: Day 2, Part 2

I pooped. It was green. And solid.

That is all.

Tomorrow... I brave beets.

Foggy, Punchy, and Other States of Being

Reboot day 2 and Just Juice day 1 301lbs, down 3 since yesterday and down 9 since this whole thing started (from here on out that'll look like this: RB2/JJ1/301/-9) and I'm feeling fine... I was expecting much, much worse which I suppose means I should brace myself, but really today was totally manageable.

The most difficult part of the day was when my co-worker brought in homemade bruschetta. Wowza.



Here I am, coping.


I am very foggy. My thinking is very slow, I've had to ask people to rephrase more than once today. My inhibitions at low (think cursing loudly in the office. No, no... More than usual). And I laugh endlessly at simply ridiculous me. With some loving support around me, it was actually pretty fun to be me today.

On the hunger front: it comes and goes. I notice if I sip juice throughout the day (no more than an hour break, usually nursing a juice for 1-2 hours at a time) my hunger is curbed. I still get "hungry" but as we've discussed... That's mostly in my head and my head was able to work it out today. Even when I get hunger pangs in my stomach I can talk or distract myself out of them within seconds.

I had a couple strange moments where suddenly I was reliving the experience of eating a glazed twist donut and a bean and cheese burrito (on separate occasions). Muscle memory? Like meth flashbacks stored in fat cells?

TMI: Day 2

This might not exactly be TMI, but I am shocked that I haven't had a bowel movement in more than 36 hours. I was expecting to be shitting my guts out this week.

In general one can expect the first stage of detox (days 1-2) to include nausea, dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, and headaches.

Honestly, I haven't had any. Maybe I really did detox a lot last week?

I have a weird jaw cramp, mild, like when you eat something sour and I notice my muscles and joints are achy when I lie down for the night. Oh, and I was cold and sweaty this morning.

life... now available in color!

Last night's olfactory banquet turned out to be more than a little disappointing.  It's not that it didn't taste good, it did.  It's not that it wasn't filling, it was.  But guess what, I wasn't REALLY hungry, I was "hungry."  And while food tempers hunger, only bread and chocolate can feed "hunger."  Since neither of those things are on the menu for a while, I have altered the plan yet again.

Just Juice... starting now.  Going for 10 days (that's Friday, 9/2/2011) and reevaluating.  100% committed.

This morning I start with a "carrot cake" juice (pineapple, carrot, apple, and coconut water.  you can sprinkle with spices to add to the cake flavor but I was afraid to mess it up, so I skipped that part).  I have a mean green and a gazpacho in the refrigerator at work... and I am going to learn to love this.

Reboot--Day One

Nearing the end of day one of the reboot, starting at 304lbs which is 6 down from the 310 I was at on Monday last week when prep began... I juiced a bit, I ate a bit... I was "hungry" but not hungry. It was tough! I went to Vons after work to grab some potatoes and mushrooms to cook up for dinner and had to remind myself to keep my gaze straight ahead. To the produce section, the register, and the car. No meandering. No wandering. No label gazing. Sigh... I love grocery shopping. Scratch that... I used to love grocery shopping.

One of the most difficult moments in the day was when I was packing spiderman's lunch. I never noticed before what an intoxicating smell goldfish crackers have. Mmmmm mmm!

Once home I tossed a drizzle of olive oil into a pan and as it heated I remarked on the delightful smell. It's just Costco olive oil... nothing special, but the scent was of the most gourmet oil on the table of the most divine restaurant. I could have licked it from the pan at that moment!

mmmm... boiled potatoes

I have never been so excited about eating potatoes and mushrooms. The smells were intoxicating!

I guess when your day and refrigerator has looked like this, you'll get excited about pretty much anything.

TMI: The Prep Week

Anytime it's worth mentioning I'll write a TMI (too much information) post. I want to be truthful and share the nitty gritty, but also don't want to scare off readers. It won't always be TMI in the bathroom sense, but it will be where I talk about the physical aspects of the fast and maybe some of the more intense emotional aspects too. Bottom line, if you don't want to read about poop don't read these posts.

Let's get on with it!

Wowza! I was surprised by how much detoxing my body did this week. I had a lot of loose stool and several days on intense gas pains. I'm used to having both of these things but not generally when I'm eating well. In addition I had some lovely episodes of passing fluid while passing gas. Yep. Went through a lot of undies this week.

In general, I felt physically great (high energy, light heart, pain free) by Friday.

Beans v. Cake

Today (prep week day 6) I went to my new boss' 60th birthday party. The invitation instructed us to dress as our favorite "Joe" in the birthday boy's honor.  When spiderman saw me stringing a paper cup that I'd written an "a" on onto some yarn to put it around my neck (get it?  cup-a-joe!) and learned that it was a costume party, he asked if he could wear his costume.

I'm a cool mom, so yeah... and why not go swimming in it too! 

Before I get into the food issues in this post I want to take a moment to acknowledge the brilliance that is this lovely couple, my good friends, Sloppy Joe & Cotton-Eyed Joe.  It's hard to see in the picture, but that's bbq sauce all over her face... outstanding!

Back to business.  I took a mason jar of green juice with me and was just going to stay as long as I could manage.  I was thrilled to find that there were no potato chips to avoid and an abundance of fresh veggies. 

Still... the longer I was there, and the more people asked me about the green juice the more terrified I became about the thought of not eating in just two short days. The fear of not eating made the hunger pangs grow stronger and stronger until the point where dinner was served and I found myself eating an inhuman amount of beans and rice.

but I didn't have any cake... success? I'm going to go with a yes for this one.

New plan.  Stick with the original full week of prep.  Allow myself to eat more beans tomorrow.  Starting on Monday... do what the rebooters advise and do juice and eating fruits and veggies.  Take it a little slower and a little easier...

It came! It finally came!

BFO and I have an agreement that we don't have to discuss purchases under $50 (or rather, that we do have to discuss purchases that are over $50).  Neither of us has quite caught on to how many $50 purchases either one can or should make in a defined period of time... but that will come I'm sure.

Anyway, I found a Jack Lalanne Power Juicer Express on eBay for $28!  Not the greatest juicer, but mid-range in performance and price and this price was right!  It came on Friday and spiderman was ready to juice.  We made a strawberry, blueberry, apple juice for our first concoction. 

and it was DIVINE!  and probably 500 calories...  oh well.  we shared it.

I know a lot of people are wondering how I (or any other juicer) stomachs the green stuff.  It really is quite tasty... I swear.  Here's the proof.

So, here's the plan.  Starting Monday the reboot begins... technically the reboot community advises a mixture of juicing and eating raw or cooked fruits and vegetables, but I'm not feeling it... I'm going all juice all the time.  Monday is the day.  I'm going to try and warm up to it Saturday and Sunday too by cutting out the grains, rice, legumes, etc. before I actually "have to."

The Prep Week

Wowza. Prep week has been a doozy. We're all on day 4 now. Of course, it's easy for bluntforceobject and angrywombat has the discipline of a mule, so that leaves me... well... hungry

Actually, for day four it hasn't been too bad. I was expecting to crave junk with furvor and aside from on occasional compulsion to eat cheetos (which I haven't acted on) I mostly just feel hungry which is easily quelled with any food including the evil "salad." yum.

I've noticed that I have a lot more appreciation for what I eat, when I eat it.

But when you're eating things this beautiful how can you not!

Lunch at Kafe Neo in Long Beach happened by accident when Shillelagh was closed... but look!



And to highlight how little of the pita I ate...




This salad from Home in Los Feliz was divine!  Called the "Healthy Multigrain Salad" which I personally think they should rename the "Colon Utopia Salad" it was all sorts of beans, seeds, and rices mixed with lovely greens in a light vinaigrette.  YUM.





That's tofu, not croutons... And yes I indulged in the crusty bread, and it was worth it.

Later that evening, I found myself thanking this chicken for giving it's life to me to use for my nourishment.  I can't credit the restaurant, but I can credit my friends Dena & Adam for providing while I got to play with their amazing son, Milo.




That's pretty much all I've eaten in these four days in the name of meals. I've had a few salads at home that bluntforceobject made at home with the most divine dressing (Bolthouse Farms new Asian Ginger Vinaigrette will only last a month in your fridge, but a lifetime in your heart!) and lots of fruit.

4 lbs down! Not that we are counting (yet)

Live to Eat or Eat to Live

Today marks the first day of prep-work for the reboot. What's a reboot, you ask? Didn't you say you were going to get to that, you ask? Yeah, yeah here we go.

In the movie, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead," the filmmaker Joe Cross and his newfound friend Phil cure themselves of an intense autoimmune disorder by juicing. They each do a 60 day juice fast (no food, just fresh juice from fresh fruits and vegetables), lose tons of weight, and successfully wean off prescription medications that were keeping them alive and functioning.

The reboot movement born from their inspirational stories is online. There are various reboot programs based on individual needs and commitment levels. From between 5 and 15 days you drink and/or eat fruits and vegetables ONLY which preps (just so you know, my iPad just changed the word "preps" to "Oreos." definitely a conspiracy) your body, mind, and palate for a primarily micro nutrient food diet (fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, beans, etc) for optimum health.







Now back to me. Today I am supposed to be prepping for the official reboot start date next Monday. Maybe you read about my last supper below. Over the next week I'm to cut out all meat, dairy, alcohol, caffeine, refined grains and sugars... Ooh boy my stomach is beginning to growl just thinking about it!

I wish I was a foodie, I really do. I wish I could live to eat and have that lifestyle be revered. Our society dedicates an entire channel and many more shows to the pursuit of good food. I wish I had a refined palette that would help me choose what's worth eating... But wishing isn't particularly effective and I'm not and I don't! For me, living to eat is about cravings and impulses, the sensation of being stuffed to the gills, and feeling drunk on food.

Today, I got bad news at work. One of my best friends left the agency and I my proposal for a promotion got denied. Not a great day as days go... A day where living to eat my way would haven fit the bill. But today, I choose to eat to live. I will give my body the fuel it needs and not expect any food to mute the intense feelings I've brought home. Bottom line is, the junk food won't really make me feel better, in fact... I'll likely feel worse.

Today I chose to eat to live, living to eat can go to Anthony Bourdain.

Now I choose to eat to live.

last supper

I stayed home sick with an awful head cold a couple weeks ago and caught up on my Netflix queue.


I watched "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and decided I was finally motivated to do something about my weight--more about that later.

Tomorrow morning I, along with my husband and best friend, will be entering the prep week for a reboot--more on that later too.

Tonight, let's talk about my last supper. Of course it had to be greasy and forbidden so Supermex it was! I called in my order (bean and cheese burrito, quesadilla, and flautas) and after creating this blog headed to pick it up via bicycle.





Why bike? Why do something seemingly healthy-you ask? Well, my friends, it may appear to be healthy, but really I rode my bike because my car is out of gas because I was too lazy to stop and fill it up on the way home from my lunch date with angrywombat. Tomorrow morning when I am a mom getting her son to preschool before heading to work, responsibility will compel me to fill the tank. Until then, the focus is on gluttony only.

For what it's worth, I regretted riding the bike on the ride home (which is just ever so slightly uphill), but I did find my good tweezers in my bike basket (?! I know, right?) so it really all worked out for the best.



We ate, we laughed, and after polishing off a baby Ruth and a bag of twizzlers from the dollar tree I'm definitely not hungry or wanting for anything (except maybe relief from the pain in my stomach).







Thing is, I haven't been satisfied by any of the junk I've been eating lately. And I've been having a large chocolate frosty from wendy's every morning and the above referenced candy combo every night for weeks. It's disappointing every time. I don't really crave it anymore--I just do it out of habit and the fear of the pain of craving that is bound to come when I stop.

That's how I know what I'm really facing. And the pain in my stomach is how I know I'm really ready.