Shit, it's Wednesday isn't it? This was a holiday week-Monday at home and I'm all off kilter. That, and kindergarten transition continued to be a nightmare until... TODAY! Hallelujah!
I was ready to give up yesterday... although I'm not sure how one "gives up." He's too old to be dropped off at the Fire Station-no questions asked. I can't just leave him on the street to run around in traffic and beg for scraps. I can't just leave him at home all day to burn himself boiling hot dogs a la The Glass Castle.
But today was better, as it usually is after the point when I'm certain I cannot take any more. I wonder if I can convince the universe sooner that I'm at my wits' end? It probably wouldn't work, I don't think I'm being rewarded for being at my wits' end. Rather, I'm finally choosing to let go and see things another way because I'm at my wits' end. Last night Devon really helped me do that... and that was super awkward. Not a typical play in my dating handbook (I don't have a dating handbook or plays, for the record): blubber and sniffle about the trials of kindergarten parenting to the amazing woman you're dating and then let her offer her perspective and feedback. Still, it felt really damn good, and she liked it... and I do have a thing for vulnerability... might as well appreciate my own vulnerability as much as I do others, eh?
random share: last night I locked both spiderman's and my bedrooms to keep him in the living room with me... and then I couldn't open them. that was super fun.
So anyway... Community Building Update!
Spiderman had a playdate at the park after school today. His new friend wears a uniform of skinny jeans, oxford shirts, black leather slip on dress shoes, slicked back gelled hair, and calls his mother by her first name. He is awesome. His mom is awesome too. We're getting there.
I noticed an interesting contrast when we were hanging out and getting to know each other. In other places I've lived my parenting style has been on the progressive edge... and I've been shy about it sometimes. It's hard to bear the judgmental glances of parents who wonder why you're not "controlling" your child. So I'd avert eye contact or do the few things I do to fit in (like bribe) or leave...
In this new community my old neighborhood's progressive is this neighborhood's standard. There are certainly people more granola than me, but a positive discipline approach is the expected norm. I noticed the other mom doing things that I would have done in the past. Trying to come across as the best mom-version of herself as she could, while also needing to be a little more stern or assertive from time to time at a volume that I wasn't supposed to be able to hear or when I wasn't supposed to be looking.
And I loved her for it. And I showed her by being my normal, sometimes-imperfect mom self... and she warmed up to it. And it was awesome.
If tomorrow could be perfect too that would be really super awesome!