i tried convincing myself I was healthy. i tried claiming it was allergies. i tried complete denial (which is different from convincing myself I'm healthy). i even tried rest... and still... my twice daily neti pot routine is yielding some gruesome results. it's been a week now and I'm over it. I've been on the rest plan since the tail end of last week and I've been expecting to wake up one day feeling better and with the motivation and energy I need to tackle the tasks of life that are piling up around me... but nope... I rest, I still feel crappy, and the pile of life grows, and not only do I feel unmotivated to tackle it... I feel pretty overwhelmed by it at moments.
As my facebook friends (sorry to mention facebook again... but it exists, and i kind of love it... so there) may recall, I am in the market for a maid, cook, housekeeper, nanny, and sex slave all in one... I have no ability to pay this person. I hear that the only solution to this problem is to get a wife. I'm totally up for that. When can she get here? (okay, I'm not technically divorced yet... but soon enough, I promise, and she can totally live with me in the meantime, I'm not morally opposed to shacking up).
So, I'm sick and I had a date with myself on the calendar for Sunday. You may also recall that I admitted to you all that I think dating sucks and I much preferred being in love... so with that in mind, I did have a date with myself, but it was the kind of date you have with someone who you're in love with who also has a sinus infection.
I got takeout, went braless, and after cuddling in a blanket on the couch watching Parenthood on Netflix (where has this show been all my life? I've been needing a good cry lately and it's going to deliver... I can tell. I've gotten misty several times) hopped into bed for more Parenthood and spooning for the rest of the afternoon. How do you spoon with yourself, you may ask? Well, I'm not sure I can explain it... but just try it. It involves side lying, intertwining your own legs, and popping your top shoulder backward so when you drape your arm over yourself and grab onto a breast it feels like it is someone else's arm. Too much information?
Anyway. 2nd artist's date: a success. Now, my artist isn't always going to be satisfied with this... she's going to want to be taken out, she wants an occasion to dress up and get pretty and hit the town, but she also wants snuggling... so she's satisfied for now.
I find myself wanting to describe this month as dismal so far... In terms of progress on the bullet points
(which were:
 |
| the painted circles have been sorted... and there they remain |
well... actually I was going to say that I hadn't made much, but now that I look at it: I do the morning pages daily, I've had two artist's dates, I am aware of my own ability to create, I scheduled and invited guests to the art party... I guess I'm doing okay.
In addition to the tree branch (that is still sitting in the same place), I also brought home a door. Both of those will become more than just a tree branch and a door before this month is over... and qualify as "make something new" or at least they will... And, well, I sorted the painted circles... which are certainly part of "finish an old project."
Again, I guess I'm doing okay. In addition to all of the creative stuff I am just feeling pretty good in general. I am so honored by the feedback and support you've offered throughout this journey. It's crazy scary and downright mind blowing to be living this way, but it feels right and I am glad that I can share it with you.
