You may recall that I see someone who practices Brainspotting, which is a technique that uses eye movements to target a place in the brain where a trauma is stored to release and heal it... and then she just uses good old fashioned therapy to replace the irrational belief that a trauma caused with a much more loving belief for the road forward.
Before I tell you about the major vistory... a celebration: I, Kate E. McCracken, felt my feelings.
They took over me... and I surrendered to them.
It went a little something like this (we'd been doing a lot of work in a few younger parts of my self for most of the hour and then...):
Therapist: What's present right now?
Kate: I'm really angry
T: Can you go with that? Just feel it.
K: (apprehensive) Okay
T: What does it feel like?
K: flames, coming from my chest and lapping at my neck. But they don't last
T: What would happen if you let them last?
K: I'd be engulfed in flames... I'd burn up... I'd cease to exist!
T: I promise that's not going to happen... let them flare up, and then when they do breathe like this (and she demonstrates the breath a person would use when trying to fog up their glasses)
K: (foggy breath) and more (foggy breath) until... (tears... sobbing choking crying tears)
T: You did it!
K: I did what?! (sobbing still)
T: You felt your anger! And then it left your body! And underneath the anger is sadness and you're feeling that too! You're doing it!
K: (sob, choke, cry, wail, etc...) for several more minutes
...and then it was all out. And I felt so much lighter and brighter! Yay for feeling feelings!
So, of course when she asks me if I would be willing to try and do that more often (in life) my question is... "How the F am I supposed to feel my feelings and still be a functioning adult?!" Her answer was all sorts of loving and specific to me and my gifts and after she gave it she asked "do you get overwhelmed a lot?"
Then she encouraged me to try something next time I feel overwhelmed.
"This is your new mantra," she said. "Do what is in front of you"
"Do what is in front of me?"
"Do what is in front of you."
and I've been doing it... and it's been "working." When I observe that I'm starting to drift from the present moment I say to myself (aloud or in my head depending on the surroundings) "do what is in front of you."
And then I'm back in the present moment. I'm back in my car. I'm back at my desk. I'm back on the toilet. I'm back at the bowling alley.
|he wanted to take me bowling for my birthday. he let me win. isn't he sweet?|
No matter where I am, it just takes one line, "do what is in front of you," and I'm back and I'm doing just that.
And you know what? Doing what is in front of me is a heck of a lot easier than trying to do everything, all at once, and be perfect at it. Sure, I can... but now I don't have to.