dear everyone and no one

A lot of the noise in my head this week has started with the ever-popular Facebook status meme "dear so and so, ..."

Here's a collection of mine from this week.  Hopefully this will get it out of my system.

Dear fellow road-warriors of Los Angeles,

I understand that my tendency to accommodate requested lane changes and pedestrian crossings is unusual here, but I'm new...  and moved here with a pretty solid sense of self so your honking and cursing aren't going to change my mind about what's right.

Thanks for trying to teach me the rules of the road,

Kate

Dear Tomatoes,
For 32 years I have been picking you out if everything you come in. Two days ago I enjoyed you in a sandwich accidentally and I've been tolerating on purpose ever since. You're not that bad after all. 

Here's to something new, Kate

Dear women of The Real L Word, 

Did you know that people are watching you have sex with your real life partner(s) on TV?  Like, for real.  We can see you.  Do you know that?  Just wondering.

Love the show, 

Kate

Dear Pizza, 

Please stop tasting so good.

You'd be doing me a solid, 

Kate

Dear Vegan Cheese, 

Please start tasting better.

Please, 

Kate

Dear Kaiser, 

When I use your online appointment request system and you respond with a message to me that my symptoms may be a sign of an urgent condition and then instruct me to call in for nurse advice re: treatment instead of scheduling an appointment for me you are actually delaying my treatment.  Treatment usually happens at appointments.  Schedule me a damn appointment so I can get treatment for my "urgent" condition.

Geez,

Kate

Dear Self,

That water isn't going to drink itself.

Bottoms up,

Kate

Dear wifi modem, 

I know you're sad that I'm leaving, but do you think you could hold it together and make the most of the short time we have left by actually working?  I'd love to give you the attention you need but visiting you every 20 minutes to perform a manual reset isn't my idea of quality time.

Trying to stay connected, 

Kate

Dear immune system,

Let's kick the snot out of this thing.

Literally.  I've got things to do.

Love you,

Kate

Dear neighbor kids who have been experimenting with "ding-dong ditch,"
I'd go tell your parents... but you're never being supervised and I'd hate for you to be beaten just for having some childish fun. So instead... I'm just leaving my door open. Come over anytime. 

Neener neener,
Kate

Dear freeway, 

Maybe just a little break?  A little one?  Teeny tiny?  One day, or even just one way one day?

Consider it, 

Kate

Who do you need to send a message to?  Share yours on Facebook or Twitter :)