it's late and i'm tired so let's see if we can make this quick! probably not going to happen...
today's post is completely off topic for this month (and no, i didn't get to the art making on Monday... or try again for another date with myself on Tuesday, but i did do everything else--even iron. and i'm okay with it), but today's post is about music and music is a form of art, so i'm going go ahead and pretend it is on topic.
i've had a strained relationship with music for most of my life. i remember being teased on the bus in 4th grade for not knowing who Michael Jackson was... hey, if it wasn't the Beatles or Simon and Garfunkel... i hadn't heard it. and my preferences haven't changed much since then. i like newer music (sometimes), but even then i just don't really pay attention to the music world and i am always last on the bandwagon and am still obsessed with an album while everyone else has moved on to something new. also, until recently, i haven't used music as background noise for my life. i am okay with silence... i even like it... and when i don't i usually use the television as background noise. i don't turn to music when i need comfort or distraction, because it doesn't comfort or distract me... if i'm feeling down, music usually makes it worse.
until recently! in the last couple of weeks i've noticed that i've really enjoyed having it as background noise... so i've had a lot of it on. in particular i've been listening to a lot of Adele (late on the bandwagon again!). even more specifically i have had this song stuck in my head for at least a week, if not longer:
go ahead and take the 5 minutes and 26 seconds to listen to it. listen to the words. i'll be here when you are done.
...
...
...
...
okay, so you may recall i cryptically wrote about the possibility of a new romantic relationship with someone that didn't turn out the way i wanted it to. and i've been kind of wrapped up in that in my head ever since... not constantly, but enough for it to matter. so, i've assumed for all of the last week or so that this song is all about that. go ahead now and go back and listen to the words if you didn't the first time. it's important stuff, people. go on now.
i mean, this is how i feel about the person in the dark moments when i'm not willing to just let go and trust that whatever happens is what is supposed to happen... it's like Adele went into my head and plucked this song out and is actively pleading on my behalf for this to work out the way i want it to... thanks, by the way, Adele, that's sweet of you.
then this morning (leap day! which is clearly magical... an extra day... the 366th of what is usually only 365 available days in a year) in my cold shower (water heater's busted) i had a epiphany. i had woken with the song in my head as i have every other day for days and i was singing it to myself when i realized that was it... i was singing it TO MYSELF. to me... not to anyone else. to me. daring myself to trust, daring myself to forget my past, daring myself to let go of perfection, daring myself to see myself as worthy... daring myself to be my one and only.
and that was it! the song was gone from my head just like that--poof! it's a leap day miracle!
of course, now this song is stuck in my head
and i don't think this is about me, but i could be wrong. we shall see... maybe i'm just obsessed with Adele. worse things could happen.
happy leap day!
